Change (Life Lessons with Izzy)

    Change.  It is something we must all face at one point or another in our lives.  Often times we have absolutely no control over what changes come our way.   Sometimes we, ourselves, can be the catalyst of great change.  Change is simultaneously frightening and exciting.  There is no road map to follow, no instruction manual, and no guarantee on what may be found on the other side.

   Change is something that I became well acquainted with at a very young age.   I moved once every few years growing up and in that time I learned a lot about change.  My life forced me to change schools, change houses, and even at times change countries.  I learned to embrace it all.  Sometimes, we would move to a place and the kids would all think I was completely weird.  While other times we would move and I would be welcomed into the social fold as if I had always been a part of the pack.

   I think the thing I took away from my upbringing the most was that change is inevitable.  No matter how I may wish for things to always be as they are something will shift.  Change finds us all in the end.  But I don't have to let change control me or make me cower in fear.  I can face the changes that come my way.  I can face the circumstances I am met with and I can make the absolute best of total crap situations.  It is all entirely in my power.

   I understand that there are situations where it seems impossible to look on the bright side.  Where in fact there is only a slightly less dark side to be seen in the grand scheme.  But, even in those situations, I have learned that it is not permanent.  That darkness will not last forever because like always change will come again.  I have come to realize that I cannot linger in the past no matter how lovely the past may be.  I must face the changes that come my way.  I must decide how I will react to the changes, good or bad, and move forward with my life.  Without change, we become stagnant.




Izzy is faced with a great many changes in her life.  She finds out things about her past and herself that she never knew.  She can let this change swallow her whole or she can embrace it and see where it may lead.
 
"My dreams were her trying to warn me.  There was someone after me for a reason

I had yet to discover.  I felt as though the past twenty four years of my life had been a lie.
I needed to know more.  I needed to feel like I had at least a semblance of control over
my life.  And on top of everything Kennan was being too nice.  It was freaking me out.
I took a steadying breath and sat up.  It was time I got my head wrapped around
all of this."- Izzy in "See How She Runs"



The release is getting closer... just a few short months away!  Keep coming back for more life lessons with Izzy!

xoxo,
Michelle

ANNOUNCEMENT

  I have moved part one and two of the prequel under the page at the top See How She Socializes!  Be sure to check back.  I will be adding part three to that page as well.  Don't worry, I have left dividers so that you will be able to easily find the beginning of each part! 

Here is the link to make it a bit easier:
See How She Socializes

xoxo,
Michelle

Strength (Life Lessons with Izzy)

 
   Strength.  It is one of those things that conjures different images.  To some it might bring thoughts of body builders and super heroes, while to others it brings about thoughts of an emotionally strong person.  Tonight, as I was picking things up around the house, I took some things into my bedroom and looked at my husband sleeping.  In that moment I knew exactly what direction this post was going to go.

   For those that don't know, my husband is an Army Infantryman.  He has served through 3 deployments in the middle east and has come out with countless awards including a Purple Heart and Bronze Star.  I am ridiculously proud of him.  But, before I get wrapped up in gushing about how awesome he is overall, I will keep to the point.  You see, as I looked at him lying in the bed sleeping after he had worked a 24 hour day yesterday, I realized something.  He embodies every sort of strength imaginable.

   My husband, well he is my Rock of Gibraltar.  He is unfailing in his love for me no matter how crazy I get.  He supports me and encourages me.  He fights for me and for our relationship.  He is the foundation upon which our family is built.  He is the glue that holds my insanity precariously together.  He works endlessly and tirelessly throughout the day and comes home exhausted.  Yet somehow, he always finds time to tell me how much he loves me.  He takes time to play with our daughter.  He lets us know we are important.

  He is not only strong for me, he is strong for his soldiers.  He has seen unimaginable things and been through situations no one should ever have to go through, but in it all, he always puts his guys first.  At every function someone takes the time to tell me how amazing he is.  And the funny part in all of it is that he wants none of the accolades.  He does it, because it is the right thing to do.  Not to be a hero, not to be well liked, but because it is necessary.  In that he shows me strength of character.

   Then there is the obvious sort of strength.  He is like a stinking pack mule.  I tried to put all of his equipment on before the last deployment and literally fell over.  He has to walk miles and miles with at least a hundred pounds of added weight strapped on.  That is just crazy people!  So in that, he shows physical strength.  I also think it shows great mental strength to push through it all.

  It is not just my husband's strength that keeps me going though.  I was lucky enough to have a mom that prepared me for the life of an Army wife.  She taught me to be independent, to be courageous, and above all how to use a screwdriver.  I would not be able to survive the life I lead if it weren't for her strong steady influence growing up.  She taught me how to be strong.  Even now when I forget, she is there to remind me.

  I have been overwhelmingly blessed in this life with an abundance of examples of what it means to be strong.  With the people I love at my back, I feel almost invincible.  Izzy has to face some extremely hard times in See How She Runs.  Here is a little snippet of her showing her strength.



"Alright, distance and no friendship.  This was just going to be a barrel of laughs.  Not that saving the world and taking down and evil corporation should be fun, but the heroine should at least have some perks.  Maybe a bat cave or some shiny weapons.  Instead I got the Olympic Wilderness and a bipolar sensei.  I would have to make the best of it, just like my mom taught me." -Izzy

xoxo
Michelle

GIVEAWAY!

   Come on over and like my author facebook page.  Once it reaches 100 likes I will do a drawing for this amazing charm bracelet inspired by the first book in the Chronicles of Izzy series See How She Runs.  Once my page reaches 100 likes I will post details of how to enter to win!

xoxo,
 Michelle

Friendship (Life Lessons with Izzy)

   
   As a precursor I feel I must mention that this is not the original post I had planned to put up on friendship.  In fact, I had written an entirely different sort of post and felt it to be completely disingenuous.  I was doing my best to avoid some personally painful memories, but in doing so I failed to truly express what friendship means to me.  This post is a bit heavy in places, but I assure you that it is not intended to garner sympathy or get you to buy balloons for my pity party.  I am quite overwhelmingly happy in my life.  I did, however, feel that I needed to be honest.

  I have led a wonderful life.  My parents love me unconditionally and I have never once doubted they were there for me.  But a parents love can not counteract one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with.  Depression.  It started out small in high school, back before I even knew what depression was, then built into a fever pitch later in life.  There was no real reason for me to be depressed.  My life was great, I had the love of family, I made good grades, I had friends.  But sometimes depression makes absolutely no sense.  Sometimes it rolls in like a fog and settles in for a good long while.

  What does this have to do with friendship you might ask, well we are getting there.  I have had three very close friends since I was in high school.  I am still extremely close to them in fact.  If I were asked to define friendship I would just give their names.  They pulled me out of the darkness when I could not help myself.  I went through something extremely difficult about five years ago.  It is not something I talk about often, and it is not something that I let define my entire life.  But with my predisposition for depression, it quite possibly could have pulled me completely under.  If it weren't for my friends, I am certain it would have.  About five years ago I miscarried.

   Like always in a military relationship, my husband was gone at the time doing a training exercise.  He and I could talk on the phone and we had finally both dealt with the holy crap I am pregnant issues when it happened.  I lost the baby.  I was at breakfast with one of my best friends when I realized it was happening.  That day is a blur of tears and doctor visits but the thing I remember most is my friends.  They were there for me.  They showed up in force and sat out in the waiting room with my mom.  They came to my apartment and packed up all of the things that we had started collecting for the baby and safely stored them for a later time.  They quietly stayed by me and let me mourn.  They gave me space to be sad, they gave me space to grieve that loss that I felt so keenly.

   They allowed me to bask in the sadness but only for a while.  Before I knew it, they were taking me to the movies, or planning shopping trips.  My empty schedule was suddenly filled with days with my friends.  We spent nights trying to make lists of all of the people we have kissed while reminiscing over years of ridiculousness.  Without ever knowing what they had done, I was brought back to myself.  I look back now and I realize it could have gone very differently.  These girls, well they saved my life.

   I won't end the friendship story on such a heavy note though.  I have met some incredible people along the way.  While my three best friends from high school remain and are still just as important to me, I have also been blessed enough to add to them.  I have friends to drink wine with and laugh over ridiculous things from True Blood viewing nights to burlesque shows.  I have friends that always come through for me in a last minute pinch.  Though our lives as Army wives are transient I know that no matter the distance I will always have them in my life.  (Whether they like it or not).

   Then there are the friends that might be just as important to you dear reader.  Without a certain group of friends I would never have had the courage to continue writing the story.  There very well may not even have been a second book if it weren't for them.  So to the women that have listened to me endlessly and obnoxiously prattle away about fictional characters, to the women that read my completely unedited mess of a story, and to the women that were honest when I needed it, THANK YOU!  I am so indebted to you.  You know who you are, and you know I will never forget you.  (Regina... ehem.)

  To the group of women that have endlessly supported me so far on this journey, you have made a HUGE difference in my life.  I love all of your faces!  Seriously, this is a scary and uncertain journey, without ya'll I know I probably would have given up a long time ago.  Between my author friends, my blogger friends, and my fun fb group friends I feel almost invincible.

   So, what is the life lesson here, well friendship can change a life, it might even save one.  I hope that I did not get too heavy.



Sometimes Izzy needs a heavy handed reminder to pull herself together as well.  That is where Ian comes in.  He is the friend she never knew she needed.  Enjoy the excerpt from See How She Runs.

“I don’t know how.”  I admitted weakly.  It felt strange admitting to Ian something I could not even tell Kennan.  I was struck with the rightness of my mother sending him once more.  She might have not been a fighter, but her love shaped me even now.

            “Yeah you do.  Don’t get all emo baby on me.  Suck it up, set an objective and figure your shit out.  No one can do it for you.”  Ian said with finality.  How about that for a vote of confidence?  But I knew he was right.  I had to stop worrying about how to do it and just start working at it.

xoxo
Michelle

Love (Life Lessons with Izzy)

    Love, it is inexplicable.  It can build us up when it is returned and it can break us down when it is not.  To love someone is to open yourself up completely and allow yourself to be vulnerable.  It is quite possibly the most frightening thing that we do.  In love there are no guarantees, there is only hope.  Hope that the person you open yourself up to is worthy of you.  Hope that you will have that love returned.

   Aside from romantic love, there are so many other sorts out there.  Self love, the love of a friend, familial love.  All of them are as important as the romantic sort, yet somehow they often get overlooked.  So, in a rare fit of transparency, I am going to take you all on an adventure through my love ups and downs.   Here is hoping some of my hard learned lessons might help someone else out there.

   My first hard lesson in love was the self love sort.  I suffered from low self esteem as a young teen.  It is a common thing what with the influx of crazy hormones and the constant barrage of images on television of what it is to be beautiful.  I was awkward and strange and I never quite fit in, but I really did not want to change myself either.  It wasn't until I got to high school that I made big strides in this department and that is all thanks to a guy named Brandon.  "How can you expect anyone to love you if  you don't love yourself?"  He posed this question to me and left me reeling at the truth.

   I could not possibly expect someone to love me if I did not love who I was.  So I set about making peace with my weirdness.  I embraced all that made me different from my triangular frizzy hair down to my bizarre sense of humor and fashion.  They were all parts of me and I learned to love it all.  It was miraculous what a difference it made.  Now, don't get me wrong, like all angsty teens I still had my issues.  I still felt less than worthy some days, but overall I was happy with the person I was.  I made peace with myself.

  The next two sorts, friendship and familial, well I have been more than lucky in that department.  I am blessed to have one of the most supportive and loving groups of friends in the world.  But more will be noted on them in the friendship life lesson.  Just know that I am overwhelming blessed with friend love!

  Familial love, well that one I am extremely thankful for.  I come from a large extended family that has always been a chaotic ball of love.  I have an amazing sister and my parents, well they have been married over thirty years.  They have showered me with love my entire life.  I never grew up thinking that I needed to be anyone other than myself.  My parents have always embraced my weird and encouraged it.  They encouraged me to pursue studio art in college and even now encourage me in my writing endeavor.  Perhaps the most important thing they have done is shown me what true love looks like.  Sometimes it takes work, sometimes you have to go through some really hard bits before you get to the easy stuff, but in the end it is ABSOLUTELY worth all of the work.

  The last sort, the romantic bit well, that one has been a very rocky road for me.  I allowed myself to get swept up in the notion of love at a young age.  I thought that I knew exactly what I wanted but found myself constantly changing who I was for a guy.  I would end up with guys that liked the idea of a quirky arty girl, but not the reality.  Once I was with them, they would try and change me.  I don't know if they ever really even knew they were doing it, but alas I would lose myself every time.

  It was not until I hit the very rock bottom, when my standards had all gone to crap, that I realized the perfect man for me had been there for three years patiently waiting.  My husband pursued me.  He knew he loved me well before I knew what kind of man I really needed.  I kept him in the friend category far longer than I should have.  He was my best friend and I knew if we ended up together I would either lose him or it would be forever.  It scared me to death.  But like the good friends they are, my three best friends told me constantly that he was the one to just suck it up and accept it.

  The best day of my life was the day I finally said yes to him.  Now, I am surrounded by a love that is real.  He knows me and loves me just the way I am.  There are no conditions.  He takes me to the ER and sits with me for hours even though he is on leave.  He makes me laugh even when I feel like crying.  He is the very best part of me.  I love him in a way that makes every other time I thought I was in love seem ridiculous.  I know for a fact that I am loved.  And the best part, well he gave me someone else to love.  Our daughter Alex.  And that, the love of a mother for a daughter, well there are no words to explain that love.


   So here is a little snippet of Izzy.  She has had a hard go of it in her life.  She never gave up on love though.  In fact, it is her love that makes her able to overcome some serious adversity.  I hope you enjoy!

“I’m just so tired Kennan.  I am tired of fighting.  I am tired of being strong.  I tried to be for you.  I did, but I don’t think I can anymore.” 

            “Well then I will be strong enough for both of us.”  His gravelly voice was like a balm to my soul. 

            He forced me to meet his eyes once more and just looked at me.  A thousand emotions played behind his eyes.  Regret, fear, anger, compassion, and most of all love swirled in their depth.  I stared back as the tears streamed down my cheeks. 

xoxo
Michelle

Struggles (Life Lessons with Izzy)

     Some days, when I am writing about Izzy's life, I lose myself in sadness. Yes, I know she is a fictional character.  Yes, I know that her struggles are not real.  Some of them, however, are things that loads of people deal with.  The loss of her parents, her loss of direction, her inability to see what the outcome of her life will be.  All of these things plague our everyday lives.

    Then I stop and remember (or the fictional Izzy that lives in my head reminds me) that it is all part of our makeup.  I, myself, would not be who I am today if it weren't for the struggles life has brought me. Through heartache and disappointments I have found myself and my place in this world.  Every single struggle and triumph has led me to be the exact person I am today. Had one thing gone differently it could have changed my whole life.
 
    I am reminded of something a friend used to tell me back in college.  I am sure he got it from somewhere, but I am not sure where. "Without the bitter,the sweet would not be as sweet."  Now, when I am faced with a difficult situation I try and remember that.  I try and remember that moments are all fleeting and I will survive.  I strive to live my life not reflecting on the bad, but being in awe of the big picture.

   Had one small thing gone differently in my life I might not have the wonderful and supportive husband I have today.  I would not have my amazing and energetic daughter.  I would not be in a position in my life that I felt confident enough to share my stories with the world.

   I know there will still be days ahead where I feel overwhelmed with life.  Where I feel as though the walls are crashing in. I hope that in those times I can be like Izzy and look for the positive and be grateful for the hardships.  


Excerpt #1 from See How She Runs-


   "I don’t want to be defined by the events of my life Kennan.  I can’t walk through life a sad sack of memories.  I have days ahead of me, and I don’t know how many.  I refuse to live those days drug down by the horrible things of my past.  I will enjoy the small moments I am given."   -Izzy


xoxo,
Michelle