Fear (Life Lessons with Izzy)

   This is the last of the Life Lessons with Izzy series.  I saved this one for last, because quite frankly fear is not something I especially like to face.  There are so many things in this life that I am afraid of and I knew that I would have to fess up to quite a few of them.  I, much like Izzy, like to repress and avoid things whenever possible.  Yes, I know, it is not exactly a healthy practice to take up this denial method.  See, I am doing it right now, avoiding.  Ick, fine, on with the fear.  Time to fess up and face it.

   I think fear is as constant as change in our lives.  Everyone is afraid of something.  Whether it be spiders, the dark, or small spaces.  We are all terrified of something.  There are a few things that genuinely scare me.  The first is honestly the dark.  I, an almost thirty year old, still need a light on somewhere to fall asleep.  I know it is ridiculous.  I know that the dark itself will not hurt me.  There is just something in my overactive imagination that takes hold and convinces me that there is something lurking unseen.  I think perhaps it is more a fear of the unknown than the dark itself. 

    The forest at night, don't even get me started on that.  I love to camp but when we go I have to have a flashlight and chem lights.  There might be bears.  I am just saying.  My husband, the tough Army man he is, thinks it is hilarious.  Yet, he will still climb out of the tent and keep watch for me if I have to run to the bathroom.  I seriously married a saint ya'll!  I know that there will never be a point in my life when I will be comfortable with the dark.  We will always be at odds.

   My other biggest fear, one that I don't often talk about, is losing my husband.  First, you have to understand who he is to me.  My husband is my best friend.  He is the strength that keeps me going when I falter under the pressure.  He is my everything.  I have never and will never love anyone the way that I love him.  Almost seven years into our relationship and I love him more today than I ever have.  So my fear of losing him, well it is because he is my other half.  He is the other piece of my soul.  When I am sad, he is.  When he hurts, I hurt.  Quite literally.  It is freaky.

  Sorry, I got off on a tangent.  Back to the fear portion.  My fear of losing him.  He has a dangerous job.  It is a job he loves and believes in, but it is not a safe one.  I know that every time he leaves the house for a training cycle, field problem, or deployment it may well be the last time I see him.  I never openly say it out loud.  In fact, this may be the first time I have ever admitted this to most people.  I get a lump in my throat when I say goodbye to him that stays there until I say hello once more.  He is strong, smart, and great at what he does.  I know that he will stay as safe as he can and that if it is his time, then there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.  That does not change the fear.  I love him with every fiber of my being and to combat my fear of losing him I try to live every second I have with him to its fullest.

   In the book, Izzy has to face an extraordinary amount of her own fears.  She is put through so many tests.  If it were me in her place I would have broken.  I guess I wrote her as someone I aspire to be.  I hope that someday I can face up to my fears and turn them into a strength rather than a weakness.

  "Each new nightmare brought on a new horror until finally he brought one that even I could not refute.  Not even in the dreaming.   He took me and locked me in a coffin.  I laid there as the air slowly started to seep out of the box leaving me without any oxygen.  I fought against the box and struggled.  I knew that he would leave me like this.  I knew that if I did not lift my wards I would spend the rest of my life in this tiny lightless box."  -Izzy in "See How She Runs"

Check back soon for the cover reveal and release date info.  I might even be working up another prequel.  You never really know what I am up to!  

xoxo,

Michelle